Bad Dart Playing & Practicing Habits

If you do any of the following, stop now!

Any time you play darts with others you will probably see some behaviour and/or attitudes that may not be the most helpful to your game. From faulty strategy to throwing darts to blaming others, most of us have seen it all and we decided write most of them up for everyone to enjoy. Most of us have been guilty of a couple of these at one time or another and if you find that you're still doing any of the following, stop it now!

  1. Do not keep a board at home. It just gets in the way of the important things in your day like hitting the couch, surfing for free porn or emailing your friends to tell them how good you are at darts. If you already have a board up, throw no more than 9 darts at it 3 times per week and always at the 20s. Don't worry if you don't hit any because you know that you usually do and that you would have if you had been "really trying".
  2. Do not, under any circumstances, change your grip or stance or lack of follow-through. Deep down you know that you just need to throw more darts more often and that you'll be fine. The fact that 99% of the top players you've seen have worked on these things doesn't matter. You know that you can be just as good as them.
  3. Play darts at a pub or Legion and only on league nights, but don't get there too early and never spend more than 10-15 minutes warming up by throwing at the 20s. Don't concern yourself if you're not throwing well, because you will later (as you normally do). No, instead spend that time talking to your teammates about your singles win last week over the inebriated 60 year old woman and the impressive double 1 that you hit on your 52nd dart. It's a win, you can tell everyone, and worth the same as the 15 darter that some "A Player" threw that night.
  4. Never throw at the bullseye unless you are actually bulling for a match. Practicing them will only jinx your game. You might feel the urge to act surprised that you lost another bull, but that's OK - you weren't really ready, or the lighting was poor, or the board was too high, or too low. You'll hit one later anyway.
  5. Never consider points per dart in 01 games or marks per game in cricket as an accurate gauge of your level of play. Those tools are 'for the pros'.
  6. Tightly grouping your darts is also another measurement of accuracy 'for the pros'. Don't concern yourself with that, either.
  7. Also don't concern yourself with having hit anything other than triple 20s or 19s. Wayward darts don't really reflect your actual ability and should never be discussed when telling people how well you really played - or would have played had you played better.
  8. Don't worry about outs or any strategy whatsoever. You know that there's probably some merit to it but, hey, you're not really 'good at math' anyway and you know that you can hit the numbers if you really focus. Going 20s while on 119 or 125 should be of no consequence to you and, when you miss, comfort yourself with the knowledge that no one hits everything 100% of the time anyway.
  9. Always argue with someone if they try to offer you advice on outs.
  10. Always blame your partner for a loss.
  11. Always congratulate yourself for a win.
  12. Never set up a double bull for an out. If you have 68 with two darts and your opponent is on 32, go for the triple 20. You usually hit it anyway and you already know that the double bull route is a low percentage shot, which is why you don't practice them.
  13. Never go for points in cricket even when it's strategically advantageous for you to do so. You know that you can hit triples when necessary and that pointing is for cheaters, anyway.
  14. Complain when someone points you, but never to the actual opponent. Wait until you lose and then complain to your teammates that the person didn't know how to play.
  15. Always publicly state that you "play darts for fun" but be sure to hover around the scoresheet, hope that you get a weaker opponent, view the same stats 5 times every day and email your league to report any errors (and especially when you know a stronger player got more points than he or she should have). It's all for fun.
  16. Never compare the skill level of your opponent against yourself unless you lose. Beating weaker opponents is a testament to your ability, while losing to a better player has nothing to do with your inability to compete.
  17. Immediately following any loss, always say something like "I should have won" or "I should have had him" and never distract yourself with thoughts of how to improve your scoring or doubling percentage.
  18. Always order lots of water but never from the bar directly. Call the waitress over from that table of 12 she's serving and ask her to bring it to you. Never tip, and be sure to take 2 or 3 servings of the free food that's being put out and then complain about how bad it is. It's also not your fault that 3 other players didn't get any food and you can always blame the bar for not putting out enough in the first place if necessary.
  19. And, lastly, when it's your turn to chalk, conveniently be in the bathroom or otherwise unavailable and always go out for a smoke just before your match.
DISCLAIMER - This isn't meant to poke fun at any particular people or groups or divisions. It's a 'tongue-in-cheek' piece on things that we're all guilty of at one time or another and should be appreciated as an attempt at some humour.